After 2.5 years of struggles, heart wrenching cries, anger and at times, laughter, hope and even miracles, we got the news. Someone came across her remains. This was a whole new series of emotions that came to surface wildly chaotic! Our family was devastated! Sadly, too many of you know what we were going through. My dear, sweet mother never saw her daughter again. Each one of us, in my family, had to make peace with this horrific event in whatever way we could. We were forced to move ahead in life. The world didn't stop, even when we had her funeral, people went about their daily activities as if nothing had happened at all. We had a hole in our hearts, and in our home.
Now, you want to know why this is an example of green grass? It's not all that we didn't get, it's for the little tender mercies we did get. We got closure, the peace of knowing she was with Jesus. We got to give her a resting place. So many, many siblings and parents don't get those things. They are still waiting, still wondering, suffering in unspeakable torment because they dont know where their loved one is. If thats you, know that you're not alone. Know that although our stories are different, together our hearts break, we feel the pain, emptiness and helplessness similarly. I'm so sorry for your story, I wish you the best and may God bless you.
Another example of the grass being greener under my feet, is the day my neurologist gave me the news. My mom and I walked out of the neurologists office, the crisp Autumn air hitting us swiftly in our face. She quickly broke the silence, "Oh, aren't you glad you finally know? At least now you can be treated and have some good days ahead?" I was lost in my thoughts, Glad? Glad isn't the word I was thinking. It's MS, it's a chronic illness, I have two little girls. Upset, worried even a little pissed off maybe, glad....no!" Then I had nothing but time to think about what my Mom pointed out. I had been 3 years going to Dr after Dr getting test after test. Always hearing, "You have symptoms of this and that, but we don't know why?" Now, I do have an answer, and she's probably right, I'll probably have some good days ahead. "Yes, I'm glad." I said, even if I was a little unsure of myself.
God knows each one of us and knows what each one of us can handle. Knows our needs, wants and desires. Though my problems may be many and some may be very difficult. With my Faith and trust in God, I can handle them better than I could handle your problems.
Now, I may not have convinced you the grass is greener right where you stand. I hopefully have made you think about your life for a minute, have a different perspective, even if it's on one issue! Maybe, just maybe you'll see your grass a little more green!
I have always like the saying “the grass is always greener where it gets watered”. Your kind sweet spirit waters the grass around you every day. Your prayers and faith provide the dewdrops that keep it green. I know your life isn’t easy but I know you are loved by countless people who benefit from the color of the grass beneath your feet.
ReplyDeleteMarilyn, those are such kind words. It means so much to me, all your love and support! Thank you!
DeleteWow Colleen, I am so proud of you to share your thoughts and feelings. That was a dark time in your family's life, but out of darkness comes light. Your are an amazing lady! Love you.
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. You attitude is contagious and I am in constant awe by you.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteI remember when Phyllis came up missing, and how devastated your grandparents were. It was the talk of the neighborhood for some time, until the mystery was solved. I understand your hurt and your emptiness, much like I felt when my only brother was killed in Vietnam. Life can be so short, and when it is, it is so unfair. But, we must all learn to go on with our lives, and strive for a better outcome for us and our loved ones. Thank you for sharing your story--------
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteColleen, you are such a gifted writer. I watch you face things that most of us would crumble at. You are a force to reckon with and an instrument of heavenly father's divine love in action. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! You have had so many BIG events in your life! Keep blogging every story! Your example strengthens all of us that read them. Hopefully you will tell us in a future blog what happened to your sister and how it affected you at the age of 8. I can't imagine! Thanks for making lemonade wherever you go!����
ReplyDeleteWendy, thank you for such beautiful compliments. Im quite sure I will do a post about my sister in the future!
DeleteColleen, you are truly a beautiful raident beam of sunshine! I've always said the grass isn't greener on the other side,be thankful for what you have and the people in it! You are truly living it. Through all your pain,sadness and grief you are still an example of strength,courage and Love. Thank you for you example��
ReplyDelete- Ramie Nelson
Ramie, Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I am excited to see where this blog takes me and any who read it! Never shy away from telling me the pro's or con's on this blog!!
ReplyDeleteI never knew about your sister! Having lost my little brother at 17 & my Dad to suicide a few years later, I know the hole in your heart. But the thing we hold on to is the fact they are in a good place & don't have to deal with the loneliness we have. I admire the courage you have shown with the MS. Sometimes when we learn what's wrong it is easier to accept than not knowing. I assume your future blogs will share your cancer journey. I cannot understand why you have had to go through so much!! Sometimes it's just not fair!! Please know I admire your extraordinary courage & Grace in the face of all this trauma!!
ReplyDeleteLinda, Thank you so much for your sweet words. I didn't know about your brother or dad, I'm so sorry for your loss. We help build one another and it lightens our load. Stay strong!
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